The Hole In The Wall

I am sure all of you must have realized by now that this workshop is not run by a bunch of geniuses. If you get the impression that all the members of this team should probably be trying their hands at something more in tune with their abilities, you are probably right. I am not going to mention some of the very generous suggestions we have received of what we should be doing – one of the them was that we should be watching grass grow, as that apparently suits our combined abilities more than anything else. Whoever suggested this must be an expert at it by now.

We tried that, we then discovered that there was very little we can do to grass to annoy people with. And as it is natural in any human being, we try to do things we are good at. And believe me, we ARE very good at annoying EVERYONE. We might not live in a democratic country, but we are most definitely are democratic in our behavior towards each other. We really have no choice, as this crew consists of many different nationalities, different religions, different creeds, different colours, different sizes – especially in the brains. One of our doctor friends mentioned a while back that he could probably fit the combined brain power of this whole team in a 22 Hornet case! That was not very kind of him, of course, as all we did was try to get him to practice with our 577 Tyrannosaur for his upcoming hunting trip to Africa. All he did was dislocated his thump, bruised his shoulder and his nose looked a bit off center, not to mention the pint or so of blood that came pouring out of his mouth after he fired our rifle. We even offered to lend him the rifle to take hunting with him, and provide him with all the ammo he might need, all free of charge. But I am afraid all our efforts came to nothing. He decided it might be better for him to stick to playing golf. We then offered to make him a custom made gold club, as he mentioned that his handicap was improving quite well, until he fired our rifle, and then it started getting worse. Apparently his golfing partners are making quite a few snide remarks about his game now. He declined our offer, but I will not mention his exact words of what he thought we should do with our golf club, as this is a family oriented site.

None of us is a specialist in any field. This makes life quite interesting any time a new job comes up, as everyone wants to do it. This happens to all jobs except triggers. Walter is our undisputed genius when it comes to triggers, and we tend to leave them to him. Problem is, this has got into his rather thick head, and he used every opportunity to ram this point down our throats.

We all set out to teach him a lesson, and one day the opportunity presented itself. I was installing a trigger into a Hall action, and as anyone familiar with this action would know, there is a little contraption that the trigger fits into and then screws into the action. You have to install this one way for it to work, as if you turn it upside down – which is very easy to do, believe me – then it will not work at all. The sear does not contact the cocking piece on the bolt, so you would think the trigger goes off as the bolt is closed.

The trigger on the left is correctly installed in the hanger, the one on the right is installed the wrong way

We installed the trigger into this action, making sure that it was installed the wrong way. We gave it to Walter to adjust, and as you can imagine, he spent a couple of hours trying to get the trigger to work, which it did not. He then decided that the trigger was faulty, he also added a few choice names to Mr. Jewel who made the trigger. A new trigger was given to him. He removed the old trigger, and installed this one in the holder the wrong way too! Another couple of hours passed with him having a real battle with it. Eventually he managed to find out that something was not right, especially as everyone was offering him some advice. We thought he was going to get real mad at us, but he had another idea, he started laughing with us at himself, saying that he would NEVER allow us to make him mad, NEVER!

Well, as you might have guessed, this was paramount to waving a red flag to an enraged bull. Every one set himself up to make Walter mad.

A few months passed, but we all have long memories, and none of us would give up on getting Walter in an uproar. One day he was doing his favourite job, adjusting a trigger on a factory Remington 700 rifle. He had the rifle clamped in a vice upside down, without its stock of course.

He was just cocking the bolt, adjusting the trigger, and trying to get it to the right weight. The rifles muzzle was pointing to a brick wall about 3 feet away. We decided that we have a perfect opportunity to get him going, so one of us went outside, and called Walter on his cell phone. Walter went over to answer the phone call in the next room. We then loaded a life round into the chamber of the rifle and waited for Walter to come back. It did not take him long to return, as it was a WRONG number! We all stood there with our fingers in our ears as far away as we could. Walter cocked the bolt and pulled the trigger! The rifle went off, flew out of the vice and landed at his feet. He did not say a word! He just walked past all of us, got into his car and drove away. We never saw him for a whole week! Eventually we all had to go and apologize for this. As no one would admit to being the culprit. It would not have made any difference anyway, as he was REALLY MAD at all of us.

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